just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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