I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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