11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
