What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
