How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
