all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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