It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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