I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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