he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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