he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize