He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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