Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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