What did we do last night that was yellow?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
