You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
