I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
