id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
