so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize