Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
