My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
