so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sext me about skeletons
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
