remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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