I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
