I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
