I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
