overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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