so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
