my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
