Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
