she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
