so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
