Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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