So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
