I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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