True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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