We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
