he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
