I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
