capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have aggressive nipples.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
