My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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