Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
