i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize