Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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