New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
