I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
