god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
