You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
