It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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