What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
