I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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