): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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