it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
