i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
