i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize