She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
