her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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