I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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