My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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