So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
