Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
