Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
