im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
