I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
