absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
