my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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