You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
