I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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