So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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