all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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