hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
