I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
