You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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