Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
