TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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