She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
