took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
