benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
