If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
