Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
