THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
