If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
