Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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