I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
