Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
