Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
