this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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