You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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