I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
